6ABX05 Dreamland II

Mulder: [voiceover] Once upon a time, there was a guy with the improbable name of Fox Mulder. He started out life happily enough, as these things go. He had parents who loved him, a cute kid sister. He had a roof over his head, got all his flu shots, had all his fingers and toes and aside from being stuck with the name Fox which probably taught him how to fight— or not— he pretty much led a normal life. But the worst thing by far — the biggest kick in the slacks this kid Fox ever got — was what happened to his sister. One day, she just disappeared. Now, Fox buckled down and worked his butt off. Graduated top of his class at Oxford, then top of his class at the FBI academy. None of that hard work made up for his sister, though. It was just a way of putting her out of his mind. Finally, the way I figure it, he went out of his mind and he's been that way ever since. Fox Mulder pissed away a brilliant career, lost the respect of supervisors and friends and now lives his life shaking his fist at the sky and muttering about conspiracies to anyone who will listen. If you ask me, he's one step away from pushing a baby carriage filled with tin cans down the street. But now, all that's going to change.

---

Morris Fletcher: Tell them the truth, you lying son of a bitch! He's not me, Scully! Scully! Scully, he's not me!

[Scully reluctantly watches the Men In Black's vehicles drive off. Morris Fletcher joins her outside]

Mulder: You hate me now, right? Dana, I'm sorry I narced on you to Kersh, but I... I was scared you were going to lose your job.

Scully: You did the right thing, Mulder.

Mulder: I did?

Scully: I've been telling you for years you should play more by the book, haven't I?

Mulder: Hey, it's the new me.

---

Morris Fletcher: Hey... Hey, fellas, take... What about these? Come on, fellas.

[The guards leave without removing the leg irons. Lana Chee, the old Hopi indian woman who now has the memories of the pilot, Captain Robert McDonough, is in the next cell]

Lana Chee: You ain't going nowhere, mibby. You and me have had our asses officially disappeared. Looks like we're up fudge creek.

Morris Fletcher: Who are you?

Lana Chee: Call sign's Maverick. Not like I'm going to be hot-sticking it anytime soon.

Morris Fletcher: Are you all right, Ma'am?

Lana Chee: Ma'am? Kiss my ass, you desk monkey.

---

Morris Fletcher: Hey, grandma Top Gun, will you shut the hell up?

Lana Chee: You're my bitch now, pencil-neck!

---

Jeff Smoodge: Morry, if you were running a scam on the FBI why didn't you let us in on it?

Morris Fletcher: I didn't know if I could trust you. We have a security leak, gentlemen, and for all I knew it was one of you. That's why I decided I should approach Agent Scully alone to find out who her contact is. Unfortunately, her partner Agent Mulder screwed everything up.

---

[Morris Fletcher enters Mulder's apartment carrying two grocery bags. He looks around with a critical eye]

Mulder: Uh-huh.

[Setting the bags down in the kitchen and takes three fat candles out of one of the bags and goes back to the living room]

Mulder: A little mood lighting for the bedroom. [Looking around] No bedroom.

[Going over to a closed door, Morris Fletcher tries to open it, but nothing happens. Pulling really hard, the door pops open and several boxes and porno magazines fall out. The room is completely filled waist high with boxes, old furniture and papers]

Mulder: This guy hasn't been laid in ten years.

---

Joanne Fletcher: I've heard enough from you for one lifetime, Morris. Go tell it to that tramp of yours, that Scully, whats-her-name.

Morris Fletcher: Dana Scully — Special Agent Dana Scully.

Joanne Fletcher: Special Tramp Dana Scully!

Morris Fletcher: She's my partner, Joanne.

Joanne Fletcher: I'm supposed to be your partner.

Morris Fletcher: My name is not Morris Fletcher. It's Fox Mulder. Special Agent Fox Mulder with the FBI. Dana Scully is my FBI partner. I am not your husband, we are not married, we are complete strangers and I have a whole other life that I'm desperately trying to get back to.

Joanne Fletcher: You know, Morris, most men when they have a mid-life crisis they go out and buy themselves a sports car. They don't run around calling themselves Fox.

---

Scully: Wow! Mulder. [Scully looks around in surprise at the clean apartment]

Mulder: You like, huh? Yeah, I thought it was just time I stopped living like a frat boy. Come on and see the rest of the place. Over there. [Morris Fletcher leads her into the bedroom which is now spotless — apart from the spots on the leopard skin comforter on the canopied bed]

Scully: I didn't even know you had a bedroom.

Mulder: Oh, yeah. Yeah, got to have some place to lounge around and read the Sunday New York Times, you know. [He pats the bed]

Scully: Uh, no, that's okay. Thanks.

Mulder: Seriously, just check it out. Seriously.

Scully: Oh! [It's a waterbed]

Mulder: Whoa! Uh-oh.

Scully: Mulder... [Noticing the overhead mirror]

Mulder: Maybe I like to read the New York Times backwards. Do you hate it?

Scully: No, I don't hate it.

Mulder: Well, all right then. Uh, don't go away. [Morris Fletcher goes back to the kitchen, gets the chilled champagne and two flutes and carries them back to the bedroom dancing and singing Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On]

---

Scully: Do you know what would really be fun?

Mulder: What? [Scully dangles her handcuffs in front of him] Oh, yeah. Me first?

Scully: You first. [Morris Fletcher handcuffs himself to the bedpost]

Mulder: First time. Now what? [He turns back to Scully to see her pointing her gun at him]

Scully: You're not Mulder.

Mulder: What? Baby...

Scully: Baby me and you'll be peeing through a catheter. Your name is Morris Fletcher. It was Mulder who was arrested in the desert. He was telling the truth about you. Now, how do we get things back to normal?

Mulder: How should I know? I wouldn't do it even if I could. You saw my wife. Do you think I want to go back to that? Two kids who'd probably kill me in my sleep for the insurance money. A $400,000 mortgage on a house that just appraised at $226,000. And my job... Ye gods. You think being a Man In Black is all voodoo mind control? I can see the paperwork.

Scully: Are you through?

Mulder: As far as I'm concerned this thing is a gift from heaven. Besides, no one is ever going to believe you so you might as well just get used to me being here.

Scully: Or I just shoot you... Baby.

Mulder: I'm telling you, I have no idea how to change things back.

Scully: What about Mulder's source? The man he was supposed to meet in the desert? What about him? Do you know how to get in touch with him?

Mulder: I don't know anything about that. Sorry. You're out of luck. [The phone rings and they wait for the machine to pick up]

Answering Machine: Hello, hello. I'm very busy entertaining a special guest. Leave a message and I'll get back to you. [Scully looks at Morris Fletcher in disgust]

---

Scully: Get going.

Mulder: Can't we start over? You know, do that thing with the handcuffs? [Scully cocks her gun] Probably not your scene.

---

Joanne Fletcher: Are you expecting someone?

Morris Fletcher: No, I'm not expecting someone.

Joanne Fletcher: Because if you're here expecting someone and not to buy me a drink, you should tell me now so I can divorce you and take the house.

Morris Fletcher: Joanne, have another white wine.

---

Morris Fletcher: So you're the guy that wants my life. I assume that includes all the ass-kickings. [Mulder locks the bathroom door]

Mulder: Oh, no... You don't want to do this. [Mulder slams Morris Fletcher against the wall]

Morris Fletcher: Yeah, I do.

Mulder: Jeff's outside.

Morris Fletcher: So what?

Mulder: If he sees us together, we're both dead. Especially when he sees this. [Morris Fletcher shows Mulder the paper bag containing the flight data recorder]

Morris Fletcher: You take that to Scully right now.

Mulder: You must have some sort of waxy build up. I said Jeff's here. No way am I going out there until he leaves. You sneak it past him. You're his buddy.

Morris Fletcher: His buddy? He doesn't trust me as far as he can throw me. You saw to that.

---

Frohike: Mulder... If I'd known you were coming I would have made more salsa.

Scully: We need your help right now.

Langly: Who crashed? [Taking the flight data recorder]

Scully: Who, what, why. I need to know everything that's on that data recorder.

Byers: It's similar in size and shape to the FDRs on the SR-71.

Frohike: Well, that's definitely not standard issue. [Opening the FDR]

Byers: Where did you get this?

Scully: Groom Lake. Outside Area 51.

Frohike: Dreamland.

Langly: The Aurora spy plane.

Scully: What's that?

Frohike: Black world. Top, top secret. A skunk-works special.

Byers: Aurora is a hypersonic reconnaissance aircraft fuelled with slush-hydrogen.

Langly: Or methylcyclohexane.

[Morris Fletcher is reading the latest issue of the Lone Gunman when he starts giggling]

Frohike: What's with him?

Mulder: You guys like the name? I'm going to go with either Aurora or Borealis.

Frohike: What the hell's he talking about?

Byers: Mulder...

Scully: He's not Mulder.

Langly: Huh?

Scully: We think the crash of this particular aircraft — whatever it was — resulted in a...

Mulder: My name is Morris Fletcher. I work inside Area 51. I assumed Mulder's identity through a warp in the space-time continuum. [The Lone Gunmen's laughter stops when they see that Scully is not laughing along with them] Trust me, little man, I ain't him. Oh, I love you guys. I really do. I mean, you're the Lone Gunmen, aren't you? You guys are my heroes. I mean, look at this crap you print.

Byers: We uncover the truth.

Mulder: Oh, the truth. Well, see that's what's so great about you monkeys. Not only do you believe this horse-pucky that we create, you broadcast it as well. I mean, look at this. [Lone Gunmen headline: Saddam testing Mandroid Army in Army Iraqi Desert] There is no Saddam Hussein. This guy's name is John Gillnitz. We found him doing dinner theatre in Tulsa. Did a mean King and I. Plays good ethnics.

Langly: You're trying to say that Saddam Hussein's a government plant?

Mulder: I'm saying I invented the guy. We set him up in 79. He rattles his sabre whenever we need a good distraction. Ah... If you boys only knew how many of your stories I dreamed up while sitting on the pot.

Frohike: What stories?

Mulder: Oh, I'm sorry, Melvin, that's classified.

Frohike: The name's Frohike, you punk ass. What the hell did you do with Mulder?

Scully: Shut up, all of you. If you guys want Mulder back, get me these results.

---

General Wegman: Who is it?

Morris Fletcher: Morris Fletcher.

General Wegman: Come in. We shouldn't be seen together. Not after last night. Fletcher... Mulder... Whoever you are.

Morris Fletcher: I'm hoping this'll be our last meeting. Agent Scully's flying back with the analysis of that flight data recorder.

General Wegman: It'll be too late to save me.

Morris Fletcher: I know. The real Morris Fletcher knows you're the leak.

General Wegman: Once you get back — if you get back — he'll have me arrested. Disappeared. Even if he doesn't his colleagues will figure out soon enough I sabotaged that craft.

Morris Fletcher: Why'd you do it?

General Wegman: I didn't mean for it to crash. I just wanted you to see it.

Morris Fletcher: Well, why?

General Wegman: There comes a time when you... look back instead of forward... See the sum of your life. My entire career has been spent hiding the truth from the American people destroying, in a way, that which was most precious to me.

Morris Fletcher: What is the truth?

General Wegman: You mean... You don't know?

Morris Fletcher: Don't know what?

General Wegman: The truth — what is going on here at Area 51? What are these black-budget projects? We just fly these birds. They don't tell us what makes them go. They engineer them all up in Utah.

Morris Fletcher: Well, if you don't know, why'd you call me?

General Wegman: Well, I... I've seen your file. You've chased flying saucers for years. Do aliens really exist, Agent Mulder?

---

Scully: Morris...

Mulder: This is one of mine... [Lone Gunmen headline: Monica, Minx Or Mandroid]

Scully: Get your butt in gear.

Mulder: You're going to miss me when I'm gone.

Frohike: Yeah, fat chance laughing boy.

Mulder: Back off, Sneezy!

---

Sam: Ah, far out. The black mailbox.

Randy: Dude, that's a white mailbox.

Sam: No, they painted it white to hide it. This is the black mailbox.

---

Morris Fletcher: You don't look too happy. Don't tell me I'm going to have to put two kids through school.

Scully: That is you in there, Mulder, isn't it? [Mulder nods] I, uh... I just got off the phone with Frohike. They were able to download and analyse the crash data and, yes, there was an anomalous event that night.

Morris Fletcher: And how do I get back?

Scully: Well, that's just it. It's all about random moments in time... About a series of variables approaching an event horizon. And even if we... could recreate that moment if we could sabotage another craft... Mulder, if we were... If we were off... If the event were off by even one millisecond...

Morris Fletcher: I might wind up with my head in a rock.

Scully: Something like that, yeah.

Morris Fletcher: What about him? I mean, me. Whatever. Whoever he is.

Scully: Agent Mulder has become AD Kersh's new golden boy. He's been tasked with returning the flight data recorder that he and I stole. The son of a bitch confesses to Kersh even more than I do to my priest. I'm just tagging along for the ride.

Morris Fletcher: What do you mean, Just tagging along?

Scully: I'm out of the Bureau. I've been censured and relieved of my position.

Morris Fletcher: No. You can explain it to them like you explained it to me. You have the data. You can make them understand. You can get your job back.

Scully: I'd kiss you if you weren't so damn ugly.

Mulder: Take a picture — it'll last longer. [Honking the horn and yelling out the window]

Morris Fletcher: If I... shoot him is that murder or suicide?

Scully: Neither, if I do it first.

---

Jeff Smoodge: What are you doing?

Howard Grodin: I'm cleaning up a mess.

Jeff Smoodge: What are you talking about?

Howard Grodin: About an hour ago I put Captain McDonough and Mrs Chee back where they belong. Now it's their turn. [Indicating Morris Fletcher and Mulder]

Morris Fletcher: The warp that started this is snapping back like a rubber band.

Scully: Only we have to be in its path when it happens.

Morris Fletcher: [to Howard Grodin] Why are you doing this?

Howard Grodin: 'Til now, I had a spotless career record. I want that back.

[They all listen to a rumbling sound]

Mulder: So this is time snapping back?

Morris Fletcher: It'll be like the last few days never happened. You won't remember any of this.

Mulder: Oh. Well, in that case, Dana... It's been real. [Morris Fletcher slaps Scully on the butt and Mulder glares at him]

---

Mulder: [answering phone] Mulder.

Scully: Mulder, it's me. I just wanted to let you know that we slipped under Kersh's radar. Our little field trip to Nevada went unnoticed.

Mulder: Oh, yeah?

Scully: Mulder, I'm sorry that your confidential source didn't pan out.

Mulder: Well, I guess you were right, Scully. Just another crackpot who watches too much Star Trek.

Scully: Good night.

Mulder: Hey, Scully? I, uh, know it's not your normal life, but... Thanks for coming out there with me.

Scully: You're welcome. [Scully opens her desk drawer to put away a file and looks curiously at the fused dime and penny inside. Mulder checks to see if he's in the right apartment]